Many women assume that abuse is always physical. But this is not always the case. Psychological, verbal and emotional abuse may not cause broken bones or black eyes, but when one person persistently inflicts severe mental pain on ano (more…)

Consolidated – Dysfunctional Relationship 3 mix – US CD

GBP 7.99 End Date: Saturday Jan-16-2010 6:44:39 PST Buy It Now for only: GBP 7.99 Buy it now | Add to watch list

Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out; On relationship and..

GBP 1.22 End Date: Saturday Jan-16-2010 6:55:32 PST Buy It Now for only: GBP 1.22 Buy it now | Add to watch list

Cool, arent they?

Getting Started is primarily focused on helping you understand what you are experiencing, what you can expect from therapy, and how you can help yourself through the process. In this stage, understanding is empowerment. During this time you learn new ways of thinking about the abuse and its effects. You develop skills and strategies for handling flashbacks, emotional intensity and boundary issues. Perhaps most importantly, you develop emotional self-care skills that will enable you to nurture, comfort, and calm yourself as you move through your healing journey. These skills can help you feel safer with the emotions that may seem overwhelming now.

Reconnecting With Yourself is the heart of the healing process, and takes commitment, courage, and a desire for wholeness. During this time you learn to identify the ways you have protected yourself that are no longer helpful to you. As you gradually replace these defenses with healthier coping skills you are freer to be in touch with what is inside you. You learn to experience a broader range of feelings, accurately name them, and make choices about expressing them. During this time your relationship with your body is also very significant. The way the abuse has affected your feelings about your body, and your body’s need for healing are part of the healing process. At this point Group Therapy &/or Trauma Touch Therapy (TM) can be integrated into your journey and provide additional avenues for healing. Your relationship with yourself changes as you are able to have compassion for yourself, grieve your losses, and honor the truth of your experience. The fragmentation you developed as a way of staying safe becomes less necessary and you can begin developing a more cohesive sense of yourself as an adult. While this is a difficult time in the process, it is also one that is full of meaning, transformation and hope.

Moving On occurs as you are increasingly able to integrate your new awareness and experience of yourself on every level. How you think about yourself and the abuse is changing. Now you are open to new ways of viewing the world, others and yourself. Your new skills and ability to manage your feelings and maintain healthy boundaries bring with it the possibility for meaningful relationships. Perhaps most importantly, you may become less likely to identify yourself in terms of the abuse, as you move from being a survivor to being a thriver. You may experience increasing levels of energy to give to those things in the “here and now” that are important to you, as less of your energy is given to protecting yourself from the impact of the abuse.

As a survivor, you learned to use your “smarts” and ingenuity to get through an overwhelmingly painful experience. As a thriver, these internal resources that served you so well are transformed into strengths for living fully in the present.

For more information on this therapist and other articles, visit www.therapylinx.com!

2. Marry for the right reasons.

3. Educate yourself concerning matters of the heart.These, as can clearly be seen, are for men and women who are about to get married. Precious and essential advice for them. Make no mistake about it, divorce or abuse is not the outcome anybody wants and if ever you are told that divorce or abuse is ‘no big deal’ you can almost guarantee yourself that the person saying it has not been through one, especially where there are children in the mix. I hope your goal when you get married is NOT to end up in abuse or a divorce. If that ISN’T your goal, then making sure you follow the 3 steps above is a must!However, if you are already married or considering marriage, i would like to let you know that you are not alone. There are hundreds of people all over the world who get themselves a divorce everyday. Yet, divorce is never made easier – apart for the legal fee processes involved! Before taking that step, consider CAREFULLY the ramifications, pros and cons of the decision. To this extent, seek help over areas concerning divorce that you do not know about, especially in terms of possible outcomes for your children, property and the cost of legal fees. The internet offers sites that get you expert advice on these issues, or you can approach family welfare centers about information you will need. Next, make sure you know why, what and how you arrived at your decision. The number of divorces these days has significantly bumped upward because individuals THINK it is easier legally to get a divorce and society is more accommodating. However, the damage it does to your psyche, esteem, emotions and outlook on life CAN be far greater than you would expect. You’d better be ready for it and know sure well that divorce is what you REALLY want, and if the the marriage is worth keeping or not. To do this, you need to be sure if the relationship is worth saving or not. Being lulled into a state where you THINK divorce is an easy escape can cause you to run out on a perfectly NORMAL marriage when things get heated. Things always GET heated from time to time in ANY and EVERY marriage. It’s judging HOW heated it is getting and over how long that’s the tricky part.

I have personally met men and women who have walked out on marriage after marriage that life to them has lost it’s meaning. And this fact is a goldmine in disguise: that love is at the core of life’s meaning. Period. When you never taste love in it’s true sense, you lose life’s meaning. Don’t allow yourself to lose life’s meaning. Make sure you experience the wonder of everything love by making sure you make your decisions in love without any gambling.

I wish you all the best!

I recall seeing movies of cavemen times where the women were treated abusively by the men. There is evidence of this pattern continuing throughout the civilizations. I hope that we will not still be hearing about it in a hundred years from now. However, if we do not learn how to deal with our fears and anger that will probably be the case.

Anger is a secondary emotion. The primary emotions are fear, hurt and/or powerlessness. Anger covers up these painful feelings. It is preposterous that men are taught not to feel these emotions at an early age by others’ reactions and modeling. Instead, they learn that, if they pretend not to feel scared or hurt, they are manly. Because they are brainwashed that only sissies cry and are scared, many men hide these basic emotions.

I recently heard a man on television comment negatively about Jason crying on “The Bachelor TV Show.” What the spectator is really saying is that he does not believe he is a man if he, himself, cries. I have also heard many women say they were turned off by “sensitive men.” If males cannot express their fears and hurts, they are likely to be passive or active aggressive. These angry actions cover up their emotional pain and are often the cause of verbal or physical abuse.

Why is abusive behavior passed down through the generations? The abusive fathers were usually abused children, and they likely learned from their fathers’ behavior that is okay to hit your physically weaker loved ones. These men were also taught not to share their fears.

As far as the victimized women are concerned, they probably were abused by their fathers and watched their dads hurt their mothers. Logically, you would think that these women would be sure to pick a nice, kind partner unlike their father. Unfortunately, that is not usually the case, unless they had effective therapy and resolved their childhood issues.

Victims need to release the negative beliefs that: they are bad and deserve abuse; it is accepted behavior; they caused the negative behavior and need to fix the men. None of which is true. More likely, only a professional who knows how to get to the core issues can help their abusive partner.

Many female clients admitted to me that they went from one abusive relationship to another. When they finally came to therapy and healed their wounds from the past, they were able to attract healthy relationships.

It takes two people with high self-esteem and good communication tools to develop and maintain a healthy relationship. They need to know how to express their pain and anger constructively and resolve issues with win-win solutions.

In summary, we can stop abuse if we resolve the underlying causes, and teach what it takes to be emotionally healthy and to create safe, loving relationships. We can do many things to eliminate aggressive behavior and the willingness to be a victim of abuse. When we offer everyone the important tools for successful living, this will be a much better, safer world.

(Dr. Samson Omotosho, PhD, APRN/PMHN)

Introduction: Abuse and violence in the family refer to physically and emotionally harmful behaviors that occur between family and household members. It includes child abuse, child neglect, intimate partners abuse and violence, marital rape, and elder abuse. It could be a learned behavior that can be unlearned through therapy. Perpetrators try to isolate the family to keep it secret and avoid sanctions. They usually have some power and control over the other members of the family. They may rationalize the violence with their drug use. The use of cocaine, PCP, amphetamine etc may increase violent behavior.

Forms of Abuse: Physical abuse includes hitting, punching, shoving, stabbing, shooting, kicking, and withholding medication, wheelchair, food, and fluids. Sexual abuse includes coercion, marital rape, and withholding sex. Psychological abuse includes threat, harassment, and blackmail. Emotional abuse includes name-calling, insults, and ridicule. Economic abuse includes total control over finance, running up bills, forbidding school or work.

Myths and Reality About Violence: Family violence occurs at all levels of society. Separation or divorce may not end violence. Abuser does not need to be provoked. Some survivors wrongly tend to blame self. Treat the violence but also the alcohol, drug, stress, and mental health problems if any. Violence occurs between gays and lesbians too. Abused women are discouraged from disclosure by threats, fear, denial and disbelief expressed by ‘confidants’.

Models of Intervention: The Paternalistic model assumes that the clinician has more knowledge than the patient; that the survivor is responsible for ending the violence; that the clinician should give advice and sympathy; and see the patient as a victim. Whereas, the Empowerment model, which is better, assumes that the clinician should mutually share knowledge with the patient, plan strategies with the patient, respect patient’s competence, experience and strengths, and see the patient as survivor.

Response of Survivors to Violence: Physical signs include injuries at multiple sites in various stages of healing (head, neck, face, throat, sexual organs), headache, insomnia, and stress. Behavioral sign is that the individual does not leave the abuser or leaves and returns before making a final break. Psychological signs include delayed reaction, depression, lowered self esteem, attributions e.g. self-blame, impaired school or work performance and conduct, poor concentration and poor problem solving.

Why Individual Does Not Leave the Abuser? Abused individuals do not leave the abuser for any of many reasons, which include fear of being stalked and killed (which is a realistic fear), strong emotional attachment to the abuser, determination to end the abuse, sanctions present in the couple’s culture, fear of stigma, lack of resources to live away from the abuser, and consideration of what will happen to her children if she leaves. She may leave and return, thinking, “Maybe he will change”.

Child Abuse & Neglect: In every state, child abuse and neglect are must be reported. Types of abuse include child sexual abuse, child physical abuse, child emotional abuse, and child neglect. Child that witnesses family violence may also suffer abuse.

Child Sexual Abuse: This is the involvement of children in sexual activities that they do not fully comprehend and to which they do not or cannot freely give consent. This violates child’s trust in the adult that is supposed to protect him/her. Threat to the child, pet, and others keeps the child quiet. It results in confusion, shame, and helplessness. Its effect may last a lifetime and affect mental health. It may be guarded as a family secret.  

Observable Signs of Sexual Abuse: The observable signs of child sexual abuse include physical aggression, excessive masturbation, social withdrawal, low self esteem, impaired school performance, sleep disturbance, STD’s, bleeding, soreness, itching, UTI, pregnancy, bruises, swelling, redness, fracture, burns, and unkempt appearance.

School Violence: School violence is usually due to child drug use, child’s access to guns, antisocial and impulsive behaviors, family dysfunction, community unresponsiveness, interpersonal disputes, and bullying and harassment by peers.

Child Abduction: Most abduction is done by a parent. 70% are by fathers, 25% by their mothers. Parents that are likely to abduct include those that have threatened or attempted it in the past, suspect abuse by the other parent, may be paranoid, may intend to use it as revenge, punishment, trophy, or one that strongly believes that child be raised in his or her home country.

Child Abuse Assessment and Intervention: Explore and be aware of your own attitude to abuse survivors so as not to be judgmental. Do a thorough history & physical assessment. Use private, quiet uninterrupted environment. Honestly state the purpose of the interview. Inform victim of the pending physical assessment. Use a calm and supportive approach

If possible, interview child separately first before joint interview with parent or guardian. Pay attention to child’s affect (look) and behavior, mother’s understanding of the problem, discrepancies in their stories, and parent’s emotional responses. Document your assessment fully. Report suspected abuse to CPS. Coordinate services such as further assessment, psychological testing, individual psychotherapy, family psychotherapy, and group psychotherapy.

Intimate Partner Violence (IPV): IPV is a pattern of coercive and assaultive behavior between intimate and dating partners. Abuse of female partners is the more prevalent IPV. Female violence is more often in self-defense. Many IPV end in homicide or homicide-suicide. Leaving or an attempt to leave by the victim increases homicide risk. There is a higher homicide risk with handgun, history of suicidal ideation or attempt, battering during pregnancy, sexual abuse, substance use, extreme jealousy, and controlling behavior (“if I can’t have you, no one can”). Few women kill their abusers if there is no intervention. Assessment of IPV should be part of mental health assessment. Ask partners about history of conflicts, “pushing and shoving”, and quality of relationship. Observe for hesitation, looking away, and unease. Be supportive, let victim know she is not alone. Describe and map the extent of injuries. Assess for attribution e.g. self-blame. Assess for depression, PTSD, and anxiety. If patient is the abuser, assess potential for further violence. Consult legal advisor for “Duty to Warn”. Courts have made it mandatory abusers (happens to be mostly men) to be treated. Treatment includes confronting the violence, affirming that responsibility lies with the abuser, behavior therapy, anger control, attitude change to women, couple counseling, and cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). Empower the woman, using laws, community resources, support groups, and safe shelters. Mutually set goals with the victim. Mutually consider and choose from options. Help mobilize natural, social and professional supports.

Rape and Sexual Assault: This affects men, women and children, especially women and children. Sexual assault is a forced act of sexual contact without consent. It is usually done to humiliate, defile or dominate the victim. Rape is a felony, yet majority is unreported. Survivors of marital rape do not seek care because of embarrassment and humiliation. Careful assessment and questioning is needed. In caring for the victim, listen, be nonjudgmental, and provide emotional support. Document your observation and assessment fully. Help collect evidence if patient chooses to litigate. In the acute stage, assess for fear, disorganization, shock, and restlessness. In the second stage, assess for flashbacks, phobias to places and people, and sexual difficulties. Encourage the victim to discuss feelings. Explore options e.g. changing phone number. Explore available community services and support groups. Refer for physical treatment and psychotherapy. Plan for a follow-up phone contact in a few days.

Elder Abuse: There are about 5 million abused elderly persons in the US annually. Spouse abuse overlaps with elder abuse

The abused does not report for fear of being abandoned to a nursing home or being isolated. Signs include bruises on arms, wrists, ankles, face lacerations, vaginal lacerations, fractures, malnutrition, poor hygiene, dehydration, flinching and shrinking away in the presence of abuser. Help and care include reporting a suspected abuse to the Adult Protective Services (APS), counseling, psychotherapy, substance abuse and treatment of the abuser, if necessary.

Reference: Stuart, G. W. & Laraia, M. T. (2005). Principles and practice of psychiatric nursing (8th ed.). St. Louis, MO: Elsevier Mosby.

I have done 2 years of extensive research on the issue of CHILD ABUSE.

This article is the reality based article, and I have already received many international proclaimed for this research.

I am glad to see lots of audience to appreciate my work but despair to see many who did not trust me when I started working for this article.

I hate child to be abused. I want criminals to be in jail as soon as possible.

Our government is taking no steps and I know few young children who had been abused by bastard abuser and for that purpose, I wrote this article to aware every one about the repute, which has already been lost by many youngsters who had been abused.

May be many people might think of me wrong as I had visited several websites to gather information about child abuse and I also chatted on Mirc channels, in order to trap the accused for finding out the realities. I have talked too many who had just insanely performed such acts and tried to trap youngsters for the fulfillment of their abusive wishes. I anonymously chatted them like an innocent child, talked them on phone, and also met few with lots of security protection of my relatives for me, in order to trap them to find out the reasons.

It’s a noble cause and I dedicate this work for some one who is every thing to me. I know that person would feel proud of me one day, when that person will know that I have written good article for humanity awareness.

What the anguish is the world is doing to deliberate towards solving the major, bitter problem of our society? I.e. dilemma of CHILD ABUSE.

Children are innocent, but it doesn’t mean that we should ignore our duty to give them Proper attention. The emotional scars are deeper than the physical scars. Who will fill the scars which are left behind and which could not be mended easily?

I would like to congratulate and would present the award to the United Nation, Child Protection agencies and especially to the social workers, for just sitting and eating donations from the donor countries and for doing nothing to stop this serious major concerned problem.

Arranging meetings, seminars etc on child abuse issue would never solve the problem until and unless governments pass any law i.e. severe punishment for the accused.

I can’t solve this major problem individually. All I can do is to motivate every one to just move forward to solve this problem globally.

I would like to give basic awareness to the local public as well as to the government officials, to learn about the basic facts about the major concerning problem of child abuse.

Remember that Child abuse is never child’s fault. It’s the fault of those dirty minds, which are like wild animals.

Child abuse consists of any act, or failure to act, that jeopardizes a child’s physical or emotional or mental health and development.

Child abuse also means to sodomize young male or female orally or sexually.

There are three major types of child abuse:

•Physical abuse

•Emotional abuse

•Sexual abuse

Physical child abuse is the wound resulting from physical aggression. Beating, shaking, kicking, pinching, biting, hair-pulling, burning with cigarettes, scalding water or hot objects, abuse by a sibling/relative etc are all in the category of physical abuse.

Emotional abuse is a prototype of actions that attacks a child’s emotional development. It includes steady criticizing; belittling, insulting, rejecting and teasing are some of the forms these oral attacks can take.

Sexual abuse, which is our main topic of concern in this article, is critically defined as:

Sexual abuse of a child is any sexual act between an adult and a child (either gender). This term is also known as sodomization or child molestation.

It includes touching; kissing, hugging or making them to allow you to touch their sex organs, forcing the child to undress, spying on a child in the bathroom or bedroom, exposing children to pornography (movies, magazines, or websites), luring a child for sexual relationships, exposing children to adult sexuality in any form like showing sex organs to a child, forced observation of sexual acts, telling “dirty” stories, child prostitution or sexual exploitation (using a child to perform sex with others), which is very common in Asian countries, intercourse, incest, rape, oral sex, sodomy or even beyond it.

Sexual child abusers can be: Stepmothers, stepfathers, siblings, or other relatives, childcare professionals, peons, government officers, teachers, or athletic coaches, foster parents, truck drivers, friends, relatives, vagabond, burger boys, rich business man, strangers etc

What are the reasons, which makes a normal person to abuse child?

My research has found some of the factors, which are given below:

Stress, lack of the nurturing qualities, difficulty controlling anger, a personal history of being abused by some one in the past, divorce, isolation from the family or community, physical or mental health problems, alcohol or drug abuse, marital conflict, financial difficulties, for fun and pleasure, taking out frustration, short temper etc.

Child abuser specially tries to trap innocent, young, cute, chubby, shy, reserved, or alone child.

They can use any medium to trap them like giving them gift; inviting them for a cup of tea; giving them rupees or free coupons; threat them; inspiring them by giving them extra attention etc.

Child abusers are very clever. They try to trap innocent on net via mail or chat or by visiting public parks or any area, which is full of crowd.

Some signs of sexual child abuse are as follows:

•Fear, depression, shyness, fever, quietness, shivering, tension, fever, stammering while talking, inappropriate interest or your child could be attention Deficit., avoidance of things related to sexuality, or rejection of own genitals or body, excessive aggression, fear of a particular person, impaired social behavior, antisocial behavior, and difficulty establishing intimate personal relationships, low self-esteem, self-injury, suicidal tendencies, eating disorders; personality disorders, nightmares, bed wetting etc.

Steps to be taken

•If you suspect child abuse, always report it for the sake of the child. Inform the victim parents and call your nearest police station or take the help of Rangers.

•Do not neglect if your child wants to share some thing to you. Always build the relation of trust with your child.

•Do not mentally torture your child. Be calm and ask them the real scenario.

•Never de-motivate them to speak up.

•Teach them from their early age to be aware of child abusers.

•Teach them not to talk to any stranger or passerby.

•Teach your child not to receive mail, gifts, or packages from someone you don’t know.

•Gently encourage the child to give you enough information to evaluate whether abuse may have occurred.

•If the child reveals the mistreatment, reinstate him/her that you believe him/her, that he/she is right to tell you, and that he/she is not bad.

Who can help victim?

Social worker; Teacher; Police; Lawyer; Family Member etc.

Conclusion:

Now it’s high time to take action. The life of victim cannot be judged. We cannot conceive the pain in their heart properly. Governments should pass severe strict laws against child abusers so that they could not perform such act ever again in their life.

The issue should be raised in all the Public and Government schools and I would request every one to circulate this researched article to your families, friends, and students etc to spread awareness among them. Your support, act of kindness and adoration towards innocent child will bring happiness and a little smile on their faces.